Bullying in schools shows up in different ways. Physically, verbally, discriminatory and I’m sure there is more that I don’t see. Students are affected by bullying, whether they are a bystander or a victim. It creates an environment that makes kids feel unwelcome at school, making them not want to go to school, or maybe anywhere.
Sometimes people will tell you to just ignore a bully. Or they’ll say something about harassment or discrimination not really being a thing, or that talking about it makes it worse because it makes people uncomfortable.
People are already uncomfortable.
Gig Harbor High School has a new club this year called Circle of Friends/Safe Talk, a club that started to counteract bullying and discrimination. I am a co-president of this club, looking to promote and support mental health and wellness among the student body. We were helped by the Gig Harbor - Key Peninsula Suicide Prevention Coalition in response to what is happening in our schools and to our peers. The club officers received mental health first aid training, so when someone needs to talk, they have someone to talk to. Or if they don’t want to talk at all, they can be in a safe environment away from stressors.
There are way too many incidents of bullying in our schools, and I think for the most part they are not handled appropriately. Bullying happens quickly. Someone could be walking in the hallway, say or do something, then that’s that. You don’t see them again.
You want to make someone think about what they do or say. Not to feel bad necessarily, but to reflect. When the opportunity presents itself, take advantage of it.
Is this a bold move? Yes. Is it a move that people will remember? Yes. That’s what you want. There are too few moments when people have the chance to stand up to a bully for either themselves, their friends, or even a stranger.
I recently did this myself.
I was sitting in class, talking with a group of people. In the conversation, kind of randomly, someone said “We should bring back...” He turned to me and started to laugh like he thought I was gonna start laughing with him.
I thought there was no way he was thinking it, but he seemed serious.
“What should we bring back? Slavery?” I asked him.
He said yes and immediately followed with “I was joking, I swear, I swear.”
Ignoring all of my anxiety about what he or anyone else would think, I asked him why he said that. His response was very messy, it was scattered. Trying to find the words to say I’m not sure what. It included the common refrain, “You know I’m joking, man.”
I asked him what the joke was. He didn’t have a response. The fact that he said that, whether he was joking or not, was very surprising to me.
Whether this taught him something or not, he now sees he has a choice about saying things like that. I was still sitting next to him in class, not bringing it up again, when he apologized, sincerely.
A rare, happy ending.
Being understanding of people is important. As writer Margaret J. Wheatley said, “You can’t hate someone whose story you know.” That’s a standard for me, but I started to think, what if that doesn’t even occur in his or anyone else’s mind? Once that perspective came to me, I felt a big wave of hope. If you take some time to talk with someone, asking why they say the things they say, you might be more thoughtful about what you say or do.
I know and understand that people are impatient and tired of the bullying and harassment and discrimination going on, and believe that it needs to be stopped immediately. I’ve been a victim of it before. I get it. But what’s the good in getting mad at people? What’s the good in yelling at people? In my experience, if you seem irritated or upset at someone, they’re not going to care. They’re going to see that they got you irritated and instead of feeling empathetic, they’re gonna feel amused. They’re not gonna understand what they did hurt you. Everyone can do their part to stop bullying, intimidation and harassment.
People can speak up. It’s OK. It’s scary, I know, but it’s needed. Many students, and maybe adults, don’t think it’s worth mentioning if they see or hear something. But that’s just not true. Silence isn’t going to stop anything. It never has.
James McCourt is a senior at Gig Harbor High School. He lives in Vaughn.
Any bullying or safety concerns can be reported anonymously to HearMeWA. Call 888-537-1634, text 738477, or report online at https://www.psd401.net/22370 for support.
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