There is Always Room

One year while in college, I brought a friend home for the holidays. He wanted to visit Washington and lacked family to spend the season with, so he offered to drive me home in exchange for letting him join our family for the week. I said yes.

I should mention I didn’t ask my parents. We just showed up together and I said something about him staying with us for a few days, as one does when one is 21 and not thinking about the impact of our decisions on other people.

I suspect that my parents were surprised but, being the gracious people they were, they gladly welcomed him into their home. Later that week when we gathered for Christmas dinner at my grandparents’ house, my friend was accepted without reservation by the rest of the family. The message was clear: There is always room at the table for one more.

I have tried to live by this philosophy, that bigger tables contribute to healthier communities. Welcoming people to the table, both physically and metaphorically, creates a richer and wider world for us. Sometimes, though, it gets messy.

When I moved to the Key Peninsula 18 years ago, I had a chat with an older gentleman who had lived in Lakebay for over 50 years. He shared his disdain for the changes he had seen, from worsening traffic on the highway to fences being installed in the forest, the influx of city folk and (horrors!) the installation of the KP’s first traffic light.

It’s not just the old-timers. Last year I met with a man who had moved to Longbranch shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic and heard the same litany of complaints. There are too many people making for too much traffic, too many houses being built necessitating the axing of too many trees, and too many people waiting in line at the espresso stand.

It is a sentiment I see and hear repeated often: everybody loves living here, but, understandably, nobody wants the table to become overcrowded. People love their way of life on the peninsula but are uncertain about the changes that newcomers and progress bring, all of which create tension.

I should mention this about my college friend: He was from a family of Chinese immigrants, born and raised in a primarily Chinese community in Los Angeles. His life experience, culture and worldview were vastly different from that of my family. His presence at the table created a different dynamic than we were used to, with the potential for significant cultural misunderstanding. As it turned out, it was beautiful to watch my family create space for him and to see his appreciation at being welcomed into it.

We as a local community and a nation are experiencing the reality of a changing world with more people arriving at the table. In churches, in classrooms, in restaurants, and in social clubs, people are showing up, people who are often unlike us. One of the deepest political divides in our country splits right at this point: How big is the table, and who is welcome? Is the table open to all, regardless of ethnicity, religion, physical ability, sexual orientation, and economic status? Or is it only for people who look like us, act like us, and agree with us?

To be clear, I am not talking about immigration policy, borders, or unregulated growth. As a pastor and therapist, I approach the question from the perspective of heart. Who do we invite into our institutions, our circle of friends, and our families? For inspiration, I look to Jesus who opened his table to rich and poor, man and woman and eunuch, elite and outcast, Jew and gentile. “Come and eat,” he said, and so they did. Together. I wonder if we can still do the same.

It is not an easy task, but I appreciate the community leaders, faith leaders, schoolteachers and administrators, politicians, business owners, and social media moderators who work so hard to make room at the table for everyone. As my family first taught me, there is room at the table for more, and we are better for the richness and diversity created when we welcome new friends and neighbors to feast with us.

Award-winning columnist Dan Whitmarsh is a licensed therapist and pastor at Lakebay Church.