I was just mindin’ my own business for a change, and listenin’ to the radio. Coming through the airwaves at me was a litany of complaints. We’ve all heard them:
“Who are these people?”
“There are way too many of them!”
“Why do they keep coming?”
Well, I thought, one explanation is they come because of the messengers, those enterprising opportunists, called “coyotes” who say, “Believe in me, this will be the deal of a lifetime.”
“All you need to do is to pledge to live a life of anonymous simplicity for a period of time, work hard, and stay out of trouble, but you must have the courage to step over the line and this dream can be yours.”
They say, “Today you are on the brink of a better future. There will be more than enough riches to meet all your needs and desires and those of your loved ones. Once you have proven yourself worthy.”
“All you need to do is sign on the dotted line, and pledge to pay a nominal fee, to be named later. Your transportation will be arranged and soon you will start your new life in the land of opportunity.”
“Yeah, there will be a time of separation until your loved ones can join you, but trust me, have faith and everything will work out — eventually.”
But does it? Rarely, I suspect.
Even though we are dependent upon them, we are loathe to recognize their value in any real measure. It is obvious that “they” are the source of our problems.
They come, they work under a veil of mistrust, but for the most part — as individuals — they are unknown and invisible.
Yet, they are entrusted with great responsibility.
They care for our children, they pick our crops and slaughter our chickens — keeping our food supply abundant and cheap — they wash our cars and clean our houses, they cook and serve our meals, and most importantly, they manicure our golf courses.
But they arrived poor and now that they live among us they remain poor. They must be lazy. They have earned our disdain because they could be a drain on our tax-supported social services. Hear the strident voices rising above the din:
“Solve the problem! Send them back where they came from.”
“Build a better fence!”
“Build a stronger gate!”
What you don’t hear is: “I’d be happy to pay the real price for lettuce production.”
You don’t hear, “I’d rather not pay a living wage to anyone who is willing to work for chicken feed. After all, I am creating a job for them, where else can they go to find something better?”
What you may hear is, “Of course I’m happy to pay for your services, but let’s just keep this under the table and off the grid, and away from prying eyes.”
My musings took a surprising turn and through the veil of a parallel universe I saw into the great beyond.
From my past I recalled similar messages, because I, too, had listened to the coyote speak.
Here’s the thing:
What if the coyotes and the messengers endorsed by organized religions were really just cogs in the ultimate recruiting and job placement agency. Coyote and preacher — one in the same?
Listen to the televangelist — what do you hear?
“Today you are on the brink of a new and better life and an eternally secure future.”
“All you need to do is sign the pledge and pay a reasonable fee — say 10% for starters.” (Consider it an agent’s cut.)
“Work hard, strive to give your all so that you too, may enter the gated community.”
“Yeah, there will be a time of separation until your loved ones can join you, but trust me, have faith and everything will work out, eventually.”
“There is a world of unimaginable riches ahead, if you just believe my words.”
What is not mentioned is that the Hereafter caters to a distinct clientele who’s each and every desire is to be fulfilled.
The messenger never mentions that:
∙ Pearly gates need polishing;
∙ Streets of gold need re-gilding;
∙ Shimmering halos need buffing;
∙ Gossamer robes must be woven, sewn, and laundered;
∙ Endless buffets of the finest delicacies must be catered; and
∙ Heavenly golf courses need mowing, grooming and watering.
It all takes labor — preferably cheap labor — to buy and spread that fertilizer. Do you really believe that cheap labor on the other side of the Pearly Gates wouldn’t be a Godsend?
This is, however, not a bait and switch. Right up front there is a clarifying statement regarding everlasting working conditions. Just so you know what to expect, your projected work status is right there in the contract and “on Earth as it is in heaven” is not even in small print.
Could it be any clearer?
Award-winning humorist Carolyn Wiley lives quietly, for the most part, in Longbranch.
UNDERWRITTEN BY THE FUND FOR NONPROFIT NEWS (NEWSMATCH) AT THE MIAMI FOUNDATION, THE ANGEL GUILD, ADVERTISERS, DONORS AND PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT INDEPENDENT, NONPROFIT LOCAL NEWS
