Katrina Cooks Something Healthy and Is Amazed at Herself

I like unhealthy things: chili dogs, gin, relationships. But I don’t like people much, especially if I am related to them.

But then this new generation appeared underfoot that, while they are so often in the way, have the charming virtue of guileless innocence that life has yet to crush.

Whenever they descend upon the eerie tranquility of my secretive KP compound, these innocents have learned to gobble up whatever I cook as the price for the reckless use of my armada of dangerous watercraft.

Lately, though, I’ve developed this weird sense that maybe I should, like, you know, protect them.

I’m not about to stop them from trying to drown each other. But perhaps I could refrain from poisoning them with the hundreds of pounds of mac and cheese and pizza I have routinely filled them with over the course of their otherwise empty lives.

Maybe I could give them something familiar but secretly healthy, or at least not blatantly hazardous.

Enter Budae Jjigae, Korean Army Base Stew.

The original is a fusion of some of the worst processed food America has to offer: canned meats, baked beans, instant noodles, and that singular triumph of ingenuity, the individually plastic-wrapped American cheese slice.

I grew up on that stuff. I love it.

Legend has it that after the Korean War, when food was scarce, U.S. Army rations found their way into Korean cooking and were ingeniously combined with kimchi, noodles, and broth into what became budae jjigae. It remains popular in innumerable forms.

I made it for years with Spam, hot dogs, and Top Ramen, until my blood pressure, blood sugar, and waistline conspired to make me stop.

Then it occurred to me: What if I made Korean Army Base Stew with healthy ingredients?

Was I that daring? And would the kids eat it?

Yes, of course I was that daring. And who cares what kids think? They can make their own damn dinners.

Healthy Korean Army Base Stew

Ingredients

1 big onion. Doesn’t matter what kind, though red is supposed to be the healthiest.

1 pound chicken sausage, nitrate-free and otherwise inoffensive. Or use super-firm tofu. Or nothing.

If nothing, try a pound of mushrooms, assuming you can stand them.

1 or 2 cans black or navy beans. Black and navy are supposedly healthier than most others. 

1/2 cup or more brown rice or whole-wheat pasta in your preferred shape. Pasta has a bit more protein and fiber; rice is easier to digest but takes longer to cook. Your call. (I will note for all the veg-heads out there that the ultimate combo for protein vs. carb load is wild rice and edamame beans. I find that dish to be tolerable on its own, but not in this application because the rice turns to mush and the beans lose their distinct flavor. )

4 or more cups broth. I suppose some fat-free, low-sodium horror show is the safe bet, but I use my own fatty chicken broth. There’s some sciencey thing about fat lipids suppressing bitterness on the tongue to enhance flavor. But you’ll need something — I’ve tried making this with water, and that really was a horror show.

1 pound or so of mixed greens like spinach, kale, chard, or whatever tough, nasty thing is handy.

1 pound kimchi. I go for the spiciest I can find, since it’s one of the few vices left to me. It’s good for your gut, but high in sodium, and its vaunted probiotics die away the more it cooks. Unfortunately, you need the flavor. If you are fussy about such things, use for garnish, or omit and go for the sauce (see sidebar).

Optional, but worthy: Korean gochugaru chili flakes and/or furikake, a seaweed-based Japanese seasoning that’s remarkably handy for a variety of applications.

Note: You’ll see I’m vague here on types and amounts because this dish is eminently adaptable to what you’ve got handy and how much you want to make. Also, I’m lazy.

Procedure:

1. If using mushrooms, slice them up and sauté in half a cup of water in a big pot. You’ll see it turn a nasty color as the grotesqueries within the fungus are purged. Keep going until the water evaporates and shrooms start to stick. Add a shot of whatever oil; avocado is the most resilient. Brown and set aside. Contrary to all reason and logic, do not salt.

2. Slice up the onion longitudinally; it will hold up better when you sauté with more oil. Again, no salt now or later.

3. When onion is starting to brown, about 10 minutes or more, add sausage or tofu chopped into bite-sized pieces, if using, and brown that, too.

4. Add the beans after thoroughly rinsing.

5. Add the rice or pasta and stir for a minute or two until it has absorbed some of the liquid and looks nice and greasy. It’s a good idea to thoroughly rinse the rice first.

6. Add the broth, bring to a boil, then cover and reduce to a simmer for 10 minutes or so if using pasta, 45 to 50 for rice. Add more broth if needed. I sometimes dodge this part by using leftover brown rice, or some unhealthy microwaveable thing. I mean, did you think I was a saint?

7. Add the shrooms if using, the greens, and some or all (if you’re me) of the kimchi. It’s smarter to use it as a garnish, but hello, we’re not all smart. I guess you could do both.

8. Give it 5 minutes or so until the greens look and taste right, and serve it up in a big bowl. Depending on your flavor profile, add heat with the gochugaru (naturally low sodium) and depth with the furikake (high in sodium, but really, how much are you going to use? It’s mostly seaweed, for Pete’s sake). Add kimchi if you haven’t already used it.

9. Serve to small relatives and be amazed as they eat something with beans, greens, whole grains, and fermented cabbage, etc., without realizing that you have done them a kindness. Do not tell them or their parents. They might start expecting things from you.

A printable version of this month's KP Cooks is available here.